Wrapped in Black
Continuing the Conversation…
Filling the Emptiness of Grief
“Our heavenly Father never takes any earthly thing from His children, unless He means to give them something better.”
That’s a bold statement. What about the empty pew at my wedding?
My mother died two years before I started a family of my own. She never met my husband. She never knew her red-headed granddaughter and deep-thinking grandson. She would have delighted in both. I ached for her wisdom as I entered the unfamiliar territory of wife and mother. At every stage, I grieved the loss of sharing those experiences with her. Her absence tore a ragged hole in my life no one else could fill—except Jesus. And that took time.
What weight does George Mueller bring to make his claim? In missionary work, he gathered over 10,000 orphans in Bristol, England and cared for them in their deep place of loss. Beginning within his home and expanding beyond, he housed them and founded 117 schools. Often on the edge of deprivation, he relied on prayer and faith to supply food for empty cupboards and emergency heating repairs for cold buildings. He recorded thousands of specific and answered prayers in his journals, many fulfilled through unexpected ways the same day he prayed. He presented God with their lack, and trusted God’s method and timing to meet their needs. The emptiness of their losses transformed into vessels for faith and display of God’s care.
The vessel of my faith fractured at the loss of my mother. Death got personal. When my heart broke, my confidence in God leaked out. I had to test the foundations of my belief in his goodness and trustworthiness. I questioned his ability to fill the place of what he had taken from me with anything but a well of tears.
As I struggled, God patiently received my doubts and anger. As I pulled away, he remained constant in extending his love. During my darkest days, he tenderly met the needs of my suffering. He waited by my side until I was ready to slip my hand back into his. And then at a pace I could handle, he gently led me into peace. In time, I emerged from the black hole of grief, stronger and braver, and able to rely on the surpassing comfort of God.
I would never have chosen that pathway to gain those faith lessons, but I can see how the loss of one so precious brought them to me. God’s costly gift came wrapped in black paper. And as much as my heart squeezes to think this, I believe my mom would have felt them worthy for her to help give to me.
How is God at work to fill an empty place in your heart?
Reference Notes:
Patsy Stevens, “The Life of George Muller,” GeorgMuller.org, June 20, 2017, https://www.georgemuller.org/devotional/the-life-of-george-muller.
Donald S. Whitney, “What George Mueller Can Teach Us About Prayer,” Crossway.org, July 27, 2015.