Conquer the Trials of Insomnia
Finding Peace for What Keeps Us Awake
John 14:16-17
The Torture of Tangled Thoughts
I hate when I roll over at night and the clock smirks at me with a glowing red “3:00 a.m.” I groan. Thus, it begins, the struggle to grab the next slumber train zipping by. I shake out my restless legs, sip some water for my dry mouth, fluff my pillow, and hope for the best. But as too often happens, I lay wide-eyed in the dark while my mind fills with a swirling tangle of problems I cannot unravel. I need a guide beyond myself to solve the persistent dilemmas that keep me awake whenever given the chance. I need help to exchange my rising anxiety for peace.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to re-enter a dream already lost, but the cyclone of angst gains momentum. Unsolved problems grow and distort out of proportion—feeding on the internal chant of my shortcomings, failures, and insecurities. Jumbled emotions join the frenzied housecleaning of my inner psyche. As more worries spill out, I feel smothered and burdened, covered up like the chair in my bedroom where I toss all the clothes I’m too lazy to hang up.
A Call to Clean Up the Mental Mess
The older I get, the more frustrated I’ve become with the mental purge kicking off after a half-night’s sleep. In that state and at that hour, I’m not equipped for self-reflection. I have no desire to peek into the shut-off spaces of my soul, where knotted up dust-bunnies of lingering issues have been shoved out of sight. In my vulnerability, they sneak out from their hiding place. They hop into my drowsiness, begging to be untangled and sent on to dust-bunny heaven. But I fail to find a way through my emotional confusion to sweep out the trash of my psychological backlog.
I know these nagging mental loops signal me about emotions, thoughts, or actions that conflict with what Jesus wants for me. Ignoring the pressures from my conscience keep me from receiving the peace he offers. Shoving them away stops me from reaching out for the Spirit of truth sent to aid me. In the quiet and calm of post-slumber, Jesus gently calls for me to clean up my heart mess.
Help from a Promise and Prayer
With a weary sigh, I recall the advice Jesus gave to his closest followers. They faced their own confusion and tangled emotions from his words during their last supper together. On the dark eve of the crucifixion, Jesus prepares them for what will come next. He instructs and models how to manage fears, doubts, and insecurities when burdens overwhelm their hearts and minds. The apostle John records the comfort he heard Jesus offer on that bewildering and anxious night. First, Jesus made a promise:
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth. The world is unable to receive him because it doesn’t see him or know him. But you do know him, because he remains with you and will be in you.” (John 14: 16-17, CSB) (Emphasis added.)
Jesus promises to send the help he knows we need. With compassion, he remembers our human frailties and limitations. He plans ahead for our struggles.
Second, Jesus prayed—for himself, for the disciples, and for every follower in the future. When he went out from the supper, he continued to pray through the worst night of his life in the trials of Gethsemane. The devil loves to smirk at the low ebb of spirits in the late hours, but that’s when Jesus showed us to dig deep and pray.
Truth Applied to Anxiousness
As I lay awake in the low ebb of 3:00 a.m., I grab on to Jesus’ promise and prayer. I need the Counselor of Truth to test and correct my thoughts, the ones bundled up in condemnations I cannot push away. I tentatively select a snarled nest, one unrelenting burden, and turn to the promise of Jesus.
“Without a clue for a solution, I present my balled-up wad of mess into the outstretched hand of my Counselor, because Jesus promised he could help. ”
I’ve chosen a repeat offender, one that plagues my temperament: How do I scrape off the residue of disappointment I scoop up whenever someone or something fails to meet my expectations? How do I stop the moldy resentment growing over my attitude? Without a clue for a solution, I present my balled-up wad of mess into the outstretched hand of my Counselor, because Jesus promised he could help. After praying, and with my anxiety pile a little lighter, I slip back to sleep.
In the morning light, I reflect on my night’s musings and the resentment problem I turned over to the Spirit of truth. Softly, an impression of clarity falls on my mind in response: See and work toward the good. Instead of focusing on my disappointment, I feel the Spirit instructs me to find the good in the situation and work toward it; whether through peace-making, long-suffering, or practical improvements. The balled-up mess, now sorted and tidy, returns to me with a constructive plan and a clear vision for good.
Not every pestering thought dissolves so easily. Some have painful roots connecting deep to old wounds. They may need patient and persistent surrender to the Spirit’s ministry. They may require the prescription of truth applied repeatedly—doses for many nights. Yet healing and victory can come in time. And in the waiting, the whispers of: I hear you… I’m with you… I love you… bring peace in the enduring.
When Jesus entered humanity, he experienced the complexities of our mind and emotions. He subjected himself to the tangle of will and temptations to be one of us. He fell to his knees under that burden. We witness a deep point of that struggle in the darkness of Gethsemane where all slept but him. In that loneliness, and as the devil smirked at him in the late hours, Jesus cried out for help. When morning dawned, he had found the determination and grace to fulfill the call of obedience to the Father’s will. And by doing so, he prepared the way for the Spirit to come to us. The Divine Counselor stands ready, armed with truth to conquer, and peace to soothe the dark thoughts of our sleepless nights.
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